(To the tune of "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon)
2007-05-16
"The problem is on the surface", Spock just said to me
"The answer is easy if you take it logically"
"We must help these people in their struggle to be free"
There must be fifty ways to kill a Redshirt
Kirk says "It's really not our habit to intrude"
"The Prime Directive is so easily misconstrued"
"But threaten my ship and I'll quickly send in troops"
There must be fifty ways to kill a Redshirt
Fifty ways to kill a Redshirt
You just step on a rock, Brock
Get fried by M-five, Clive
You don't need a first name, Crane
Just get yourself cleaved
Beam out into space, Ace
You don't need a space suit
Just drop in a new console, Lee
And get yourself squeezed
Ooo slip off a ledge, Jed
Find a new android, Loyd
You're not goin' on shore leave, Steve
Just listen to me
Get rid of that shuttle, Tuttle
You don't need to set a course
Just leave those shuttles home, Joan
And get yourself freezed
She said "You're Captain's dead and so I grieve with thee"
But when he showed up livin' it made Spock smile happily
He cried out "Jim!" and then he asked Jim to explain
About the fifty ways
Kirk said "We'll play chess and I'll explain it to you later"
"And then you can take a shuttle and try a few yourself"
And then they set off for the conference with a chuckle
There must be fifty ways to kill a Redshirt
Fifty ways to kill a Redshirt
You just slit the guy's throat, Joe
Try a new computer, Rupert
You don't need to go see McCoy
Cause it'll be too late
Hop on the transporter, Mortimer
You don't need to be cautious
Just drop when you're hit, Brit
And get yourself eaten